we have officially lost it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
