reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
