im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
