What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then my night got REAL pukey
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
did i just pee glitter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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