so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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