Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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