You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
