bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
