im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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