I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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