Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
