I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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