Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
