you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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