did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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