My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize