I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
