Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
