capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
