I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
