I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
