I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
