I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
