If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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