just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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