You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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