I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
