I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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