i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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