I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize