brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
