After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
