I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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