He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
