what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
