Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
