Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize