Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
