It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
