I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize