my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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