I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
