i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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