Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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