my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
