I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
