I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Even my vagina gasped.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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