oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i will never coherently bang her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize