Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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