I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
