I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
