I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
