I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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