What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
