I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
