He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize