How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
