Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
