I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
