therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
