she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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