Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
