angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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