did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
