To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
