you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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