you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
