I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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