Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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