he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
