What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
