someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
