I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize