pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
