in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
