there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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