Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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