i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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