I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is it penis luge time yet?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
