one two three fourrrrnication!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
