Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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