omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
