Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
