Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
