she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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