Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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