i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
