even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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