Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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