I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize