Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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