How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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