margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
