If that was your dad, he is hot
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
