Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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