Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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