everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
