He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
